My Subconscious is a Jerk: My Ongoing Battle with Sleep Paralysis
Have you every dreamt that you were paralyzed? That you couldn’t move any part of your body, or talk, or couldn’t breathe? That’s Sleep Paralysis.
From what I understand, it’s a phenomenon that occurs when your mind is awake and your body is asleep so the two are not communicating properly – leading to terrifying results. I have vague memories of experiencing this since I was young, but in the past couple of years, it has become more frequent and horrible. This is because MY SUBCONSCIOUS IS A JERK.
Every time I try a new coping tactic my Subconscious fires back. Always a step ahead and brilliantly cruel.
See for yourself – here’s a breakdown of our back and forth.
Stage 1: The Basic Experience
I realize that I am paralyzed, and I panic until I wake up. Baseline terrible.
Stage 2: A Reasonable Response
I realize I am paralyzed but instead of panicking, I pause and tell myself:
“Ok, don’t panic, just focus on your breath.”
And then I try to focus on my breathing. Reasonable, right?
Then, my Subconscious counterattacks by making me believe that I CANNOT breathe and that I am suffocating so I panic until I wake up, gasping for air.
Stage 3: Trying to be Lucid
At this point, I have experienced sleep paralysis enough that now that it’s happening I realize:
“Oh! This is Sleep Paralysis. That means my mind is awake and my body is asleep. I just need to wake up!”
Naturally, my Subconscious counterattacks by making me DREAM THAT I HAVE WOKEN UP (gasping for air, of course) and lets me think that I’m safe so that I start my day…BUT THEN SUDDENLY FEEL PARALYZED AGAIN!
And then this goes one with…
Stage 3+: Lucid with Layers
Where I would realize this is another layer of the dream, so I go back to trying to wake up, except my Subconscious counterattacks with 3 or 4 layers of me “waking up.”
What’s even worse is that in these dreams, I would be having conversations with Seth about having sleep paralysis and he would react sympathetically and then I would get paralyzed again, wake up, and have the exact same conversation, telling him about the extra layer and that would be a dream again.
The worst part is that once I was actually awake, the real conversation I’d have with him would be nearly identical. He would literally say the same things and react the same way that I dreamt.
And I thought this was the worst it could get - but I was wrong since there is now:
Stage 4: Absolute Bullshit
The dreams layers are now becoming so real that I can actually feel the sensations of movement and touch, making it even harder for me to realize I am dreaming.
There was one time recently that is especially awful. This is because I had woken up and Seth asked me if I needed help. Since I was awake, and fine, I said “no”.
Of course, of course, OF COURSE, as soon as I say this, I am thrown into a Sleep Paralysis state, unable to speak and correct myself (since I was too busy suffocating). It did, however, let me think that I was frantically tapping Seth for help and that he was ignoring me.
So not only is my Subconscious making me question my reality, it is trying to turn me against my partner by making me think he would do that.
When I finally woke up, gasping for air, Seth testified that I had not been moving for the past 5 minutes and that I was actually fast asleep and motionless.
A Theory:
This is an absolutely, 100% true story.
When the movie Inception came out, I didn’t see any trailers or promotions for it. The only thing I had heard about it, from my late wonderful friend Aneel, was that he loved the movie and that it was so crazy it took Christopher Nolan 9 years to write it – nothing else.
A couple nights later, I dreamt that I was watching the movie Inception where there was a big building and gunfire.
The next time someone mentioned the movie, I commented “oh I dreamt I saw it” and was surprised to have them roll their eyes at me. I had no idea the movie was about dreams. I wish I had made the joke, but I didn’t!
Even weirder is that when I finally did watch the movie, my dream was pretty similar to one of the final action sequences.
So, the most rational theory is I am being incepted.
(Shout-out to Christine for helping me make that connection.)
Anyways if you’re the one doing this to me, please stop. Just tell me what you’re trying to get me to do, and we can figure it out. K THX BYEEEE!
