Less is More: 5 Things that only work when I don’t think about them at all

In the classic 1999 movie Mystery Men Kel Mitchell’s character Invisible Boy had the very useful power of becoming invisible with the not-so-useful caveat that it could happen if no one was watching.

No one in the movie (or in the audience, for that matter) believed he actually had the power, but the small twist was it ended up being true (and useful). Sorry, not sorry for spoilers.

Obviously, this comedic premise was just another effective gem in this funny little movie, but is it actually as ridiculous as it sounds? I’m not so sure. I decided to think about things that I do fairly regularly that only work perfectly if no one is paying attention (and the “no one” includes me.)

1.       Using crosswalks in Towson/Baltimore, Maryland

When I first moved here, I couldn’t figure them out. No driver seems to actually know the rules of the crosswalk and would barrel through, yelling at me for even daring to try to cross. Once, I was crossing the road (and I even had a pedestrian light!) and a car started to make a left turn into the crosswalk, got rear-ended and almost hit me!

(And that’s my quick PSA to KEEP YOUR WHEELS STRAIGHT IN THE INTERSECTION IF YOU ARE WAITING FOR A LEFT TURN. ONLY TURN WHEN YOU HAVE THE OPENING.)

For a while, I carried a baseball bat around with me (keeping it in its packaging for plausible deniability). It was incredible how quickly cars suddenly learned how to use crosswalks.

Nowadays, however, I have somehow figured out how to walk out into the street crosswalks without being hit – but ONLY if I don’t think about it too much and no one around second guesses me. As soon as I make a conscious decision to assert myself in the crosswalk, the cars seem to want to compete with me. It’s like I have to surrender into the divine plan of traffic flow to come out alive.

2.       Whistling with Fingers

I’m actually a pretty good whistler - both with fingers and without. I can hit most notes and carry a tune. Naturally, I can finger-whistle with no issue – unless I am put on the spot.

In fact, during my time at Boston University, our Video Production class had to do film projects. In my group, my friend was putting together a film where I had to finger whistle. I did great every time I rehearsed and every time the camera was NOT rolling. But as soon as he said “Action”:
I. Ruined. Every. Single. Take.

They kept saying things like “Salimah, stop trying, we’ll fix it in post.” “Salimah, we believe you, but it’s not working.” “Salimah, please stop, we’re cold and tired and want to go home.” But nooo I was so frustrated, I wanted to make it work. I don’t think I ever did.

Ryan, Kirsten, Mike, Caitlyn and Molly – if you ever read this, I’m sorry!!!

3.       Not Getting Sick

I would say that I’m pretty good at staying healthy – except I’m writing this while fighting BA2 Covid…

It’s extra funny because I was bragging about my great health record to a friend probably the same day that I got infected.

Not getting sick is clearly my superpower as long as I never acknowledge it, tell anyone or think about it ever. Now that I’ve posted about it here, I don’t know what type of fate I have tempted.

4.       Remembering Song Lyrics

The way I enjoy music is by singing along – to the words, the guitar solos, whatever. And when I’m not thinking about it, I can sing through a whole album on par with the artist (lyrically, not melodically).

But man, as soon as I am trying to repeat the lyrics to someone, or, heaven forbid, do karaoke - It suddenly becomes so much harder.

Sometimes, I think it’s a defense mechanism since some song lyrics are a little too cheesy. And really bad lyrics can turn total bops into something that is too embarrassing to listen to ever again.

5.       Improv

I have done improv for fun for a very long time. Thinking quickly on the spot, brainstorming, creating a scene with someone and more. But only if I’m not thinking too hard about it. If I am overconfident about winging it, especially with an audience, I am quickly brought back down to earth by blanking out and only being capable of screaming.

Perhaps hubris is the real pattern here. Not thinking too hard or being too self-congratulatory about stuff and staying humble. I’m not going to dwell on this too much.

What do you think? Let me know if you had any activities to add to this list.

Although I will say, I bet this blog post would be funnier if no one read it.